You’re so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of the silence, tired of trying, tired of hoping. You’ve read the articles, asked for advice, complained, vented, maybe even tried couples therapy. But nothing’s worked. You hate the idea of divorce, but you can’t live this hollow life anymore either.
I can help you communicate without getting into a fight or shutting down. I’ll show you how to express your feelings and needs with your partner. You can learn how to be connected again. I utilize tools from psychologists John & Julie Gottman to help couples find their strengths and amend their weaknesses. This knowledge gives us clear direction for where to focus in improving your relationship.
Gottman Method couples therapy is very straightforward. We’ll meet as a couple, where we’ll talk through your current problems as well as your history as a couple. After this initial meeting, you’ll each complete a confidential assessment that will give us insights into your marriage. From there, I’ll meet with each of you individually to learn more about your backgrounds and individual concerns in the relationship. Then we all come back together to debrief and create a plan for moving forward.
So, What’s Stopping You?
There are lots of reasons that couples wait to see a therapist. The average couple waits 6 years into trouble before they come in and often it’s because one or both have a foot out the door. But couples therapy isn’t just for couples on the brink. Couples counseling can give you the tools and skills you need to communicate better, resolve conflicts, and prioritize your values so your needs are getting met. Here are some of the common concerns couples have and how therapy can help.
Coordinating three schedules (the couples’ and the therapist’s) can be a challenge! There’s work, school, kid’s soccer practice, family commitments…a seemingly endless list of “busy.” But that 1-2 hours you set aside to build your relationship will make the rest of that busyness so much better. Can you imagine not having that same argument about who was supposed to do what because you sorted it out in a 50 minute therapy session instead of a 2 day fight? Couples counseling can be a very efficient use of your time and energy!
Yep, counseling ain’t cheap. Neither is divorce. The average divorce costs $15,500 and takes almost a year to process. And that’s just the logistics; it doesn’t include the cost of time meeting with lawyers, the emotional anguish of ending your relationship, and the chaos it brings to your newly divided household.
But what if you’re not married and it won’t cost you much (financially) to end the relationship? Couples therapy is an investment, not just a band aid to avoid financial loss. We invest in a lot of things when we determine they have value. Sometimes that’s a new phone, a personal trainer, a massage membership…we really do put our money where are values are. So, there’s really just one question: is this relationship important to you?
Yes, it’s an investment. But, unlike the stock market, you get to choose how much impact it will have on your quality of life. Couples therapy pays great dividends when you’re really invested.
There’s a reason you’ve been avoiding this area of dialogue with your partner, right? A therapist is gonna make you talk about the crap you just don’t want to deal with anymore. Yep, that’s right. And this is a good thing. Every relationship needs a release valve. The reason these conversations are hard is that you don’t have the right tools to talk through them without pushing each other’s buttons. Couples counseling gives you those tools and teaches you the skills to use them at home.
The fact is, 69% of couples’ conflict is unsolvable. Yeah, that sounds depressing, but it’s actually really helpful! The key is not to fix the problem, but to talk about it productively. Wouldn’t it be nice to finally get somewhere with that fight you’ve had for the past 3, 8, or 22 years? There will always be things that you and your partner see differently. Couples counseling can help you talk about it and find a way for both of you to get your needs met while also feeling heard and understood by your partner.