Partners of Sex & Porn Addicts
You’ve discovered your partner’s sexual addiction and it is life-shattering. The person you love most has a secret life and you had no idea. Not only that, but they’ve been lying to you this whole time. Maybe directly, maybe by omission, but lying nonetheless. They’re not the person you thought they were. And now you’re questioning everything. You probably feel anxious, have trouble sleeping, maybe even have nightmares. You might find yourself checking in on them all the time. You may even feel crazy (you’re not). Or maybe your partner has told you you’re crazy. Again, you’re not.
Betrayal Trauma
Partners of sex and porn addicts respond to betrayal in many ways. Some feel enraged, fight with their partner daily, and ask hundreds of questions. Others feel completely exhausted, even depressed, and it takes all their energy to get up in the morning. It’s also common to pretend nothing happened at all or tell everyone how betrayed you feel. Or maybe you feel too ashamed to talk to anyone. All of these responses are normal. All of these are reactions to trauma.
And here you are, after you’ve searched terms like “porn addiction,” “cheating husband,” or “what to do when your partner is a sex addict.” This is the stuff of tabloids, not your journal. What’s next? Do you separate? Do you tell people? What will people think? What if they blame you or look at you differently? You feel so embarrassed already, sharing this with someone seems impossible. One thing is for sure: you did not sign up for this. But you don’t have to feel trapped by it.
You can get free of the confusion, shame, and fear you feel. Whether your partner chooses recovery or not. You don’t have to be defined by their bad choices or their willingness to make things right. From now on, this journey is about you. You are not just a tool for your partner’s recovery. You’ve been impacted by the chaos and deception of sex addiction, but you can move past the grief you feel and discover strength you didn’t know you were capable of.